What the Superb Owl needs most is John Scott

Typically, I’m not particularly enamored by vandalism, but sometimes the politics of the day demand expression, therefore Fight The Power, Superb Owl. Rage Against The Machine.

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In fact, what this Superb Owl needs -– what every Superb Owl needs –- is John Scott. I may never type his name again, but he has changed sports forever, by going from anonymous fist for hire to Internet prank to pain in Gary Bettman’s ass to revolutionary spokesman for the dignity of all athletes.

That said, he only scored twice in the All-Star Game, had a pretend scrap with Patrick Kane, and only won the admiration of the entire non-NHL office hockey world for being much more than originally advertised. His kids must be mortified.

Plus, I’d bet the NBA is rethinking a way to get Zaza Pachulia in its game now.

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Oh, and to Greg Wyshynski of Yahoo, who springboarded the Scott campaign -– well done, and be sure to take no credit. You didn’t discover gold, it discovered you.

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And before this gets forgotten in the hide tide of Superb Owl nonsense, the Warriors did in fact forfeit Saturday’s game in Philadelphia, but the NBA office refused to acknowledge it, going so far as to call Steve Kerr and ask, “Do you think this is something your kids would be proud of?”

And he can cite this quote from Draymond Green to say, “No, but I’m proud as hell of this:”

“We definitely should have lost, and it was all my fault. I was selfishly unselfish, if you know what (that) means. And so we started turning the ball over, due to my selfish unselfishness, and it was all downhill from there. In other words, I was chasing a triple-double. Coach came to me at halftime like, ‘You better get it in this third quarter, ‘cause you ain’t playing in the fourth,’ and it was all downhill from there. So definitely my fault, what went on tonight. Good thing we were able to get the win. Only right I was able to make a play after causing us to be in that position.”

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The idea that Calvin Johnson is retiring would have normally saddened many football fans. Now? Well, I guess we’ll wait for the Players’ Tribune story in which he tells us whether he decided to quit because the Detroit Lions are depressing, Matthew Stafford isn’t an “elite” quarterback, or because he envied Chris Borland.

Either way, the league must be mortified.

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Fashion is fascism, but as the NFL Network’s Jeff Darlington points out, sometimes you have to take a knee and nod knowingly to experts like Nic Screws, to wit:

“@JeffDarlington

Pants have meaning, too: @nixcruz, who has styled Cam, tells me his Versace pants are known as ‘go to hell’ pants in fashion industry.”

I will do them the further honor by never wearing them myself, for reasons which that my photo only begins to address.

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And finally, because it all comes back to money, this:

@NHLnumbers

“Each winning player's cut of the $1 million All-Star prize is $90,909, which would be 15.8 per cent of John Scott's $575K salary this year.” His kids are now just plain irate.

And until Monday, a.k.a. Day 1 of The Death Of Civilization, go away.

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