Memo to Zack Greinke: Pick a team so we can enjoy our weekends

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Sonny Dykes won seven games at Cal and is suddenly the hottest name in coaching carousels. If I’m of the Berkeley persuasion, I’m not sure how to take that.

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Conversely, his predecessor at Cal, Jeff Tedford, resigned as head coach of the British Columbia Lions of the CFL. If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, we’re probably both wrong.

[RELATED: Source: Cal's Sonny Dykes interviewing for Missouri job]

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Tiger Woods, in a long and revealing interview with Lorne Rubenstein of Time, told us many things that swirl inside his head. The most revealing is that he is, by his reckoning, 27 years past his prime.

“I didn’t play for any attention. I played for the hardware. I wanted to know that I beat everyone in this field, and I wanted them to know that they got their butt kicked. That to me was the absolute pure pleasure of competing. But then, I got noticed for that. But when I first started playing, I was a little kid, say, in the nine and unders, and 11 and under, there was nobody there, but I still want to kick your butt. That never changed. Then people started to take notice of those wins. But I had been doing it since I was very little. By the time I was 11 years old, I had already won 113 tournaments. I peaked at 11, to be honest with you. I went 36 and 0 that year, never lost a tournament, all in California. And I probably had the cutest girlfriend in all of sixth grade. And I had straight As. No A-minuses. They were all perfect A’s. I peaked at 11. I’ve been trying to get back to that since.”

Yeah, puberty can be a real game-changer.

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Oscar Pistorius ... justice delayed sometimes is NOT justice denied.

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The next frontier in customer screwjobs is happening at Leeds United, where the team has instituted a five-pound ($7.57) “pie tax” that is attached to every ticket, in exchange for which the holder is entitled to hot food or a drink worth that fiver. The Yorkshire Evening Post reported this little surprise was instituted without any prior notice, basically penalizing people who don’t want pie.

Bets on how quickly this gastic extortion is introduced into the dynamic pricing options at most of our grounds begin ... now!

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Retired wrestler Terry Funk, who appeared in the original Road House movie, learned that Ronda Rousey is being featured in the not-at-all-awaited remake. He took it as well as can be expected:

“You’ve got to be f—— kidding me. Ronda Rousey? Ronda Rousey in the Road House? They’re making a remake and I’m not in it and she is? That’s bulls—! She don’t belong in there! I’d like to go ahead and get her in the goddamn ring — it wouldn’t take me 10 rounds to kick her ass.”

A proud moment for everyone involved has just been thrust upon us all.

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Zack Greinke, get off your ass and make a call here, any call. We’re not particular. Just take one offer or the other and be done with it. Sincerely, people who want their weekends free.

[RELATED: Giants waiting for Greinke to choose between NL West rivals]

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And finally, Jane McManus of ESPN has taken to writing a well-typed, but far-too-kind-to-too-many-people column that she calls “The Vitriolist.”

One, this is a clear case of bile-through-title infringement, and lawyers will be put in play. Two, “vitriolist” isn’t actually a word (she could have gone with forms of acidity, acidness, acridity, acridness, asperity, bile, bitterness, cattiness, corrosiveness, mordancy, tartness, virulence, virulency, acrimony, just to make a list from Merriam Webster). And three, I am always available to provide her with the finer applications of wide-spray abuse. We must stick together for we are, after all, part of a much greater whole -- people who have no respect for our superiors.

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