Joey Crawford would solve all of NFL's officiating problems

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Now that the nation has glommed onto the NBA’s curious allergy to interim coaches and used Luke Walton as the template, I will simply remind you who raised this vital issue first.

Me. Weeks ago. Because I am on the cutting edge of meaningless trivia in the making. Because I fight for justice without concern for credit. Because I care.

And now that everyone else is getting all goopy about this issue (The Big Lead just signed on to the silliness/injustice angle), I am abandoning the case. The NBA will cave, and everyone else can take credit.

But you’ll know who fought for the dignity of man and the accuracy of the sacred record book. And it will kill you all to know that, which was my real goal.

[INSTANT REPLAY: Warriors escape Utah with 19th win]

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Only the Cleveland Browns can lose on a kick-six after converting a pick-six. Then again, only the Cleveland Browns can be the Cleveland Browns.

But they have opened a new avenue of jargon, which can include bad coaching that leads to a touchdown (Thick Six), a touchdown that comes from a fumble in the mud (Slick Six), a triple reverse for a touchdown (Trick Six), or this statistic, courtesy Joe Reedy of Associated Press: “This is the 42nd Browns last-minute loss since 1999 and the 22nd time it has happened on the last play,” (Sick Six).

I apologize.

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Tyson Fury, the aptly named new WBAIBFWBO heavyweight champion (you want letters? I got letters) who beat Vladimir Klitschko over the weekend, made sure the judgment couldn’t be overturned – with the power of paranoia.

Fury, who elegantly referred to the Klitschko camp as “cheats,” said he didn't drink anything until he returned to Britain because he thought that he was going to be set up to fail a drug test.

“I had good information off good resources not to touch anything in the changing rooms because they might try and drug you,” he said. “I went home dehydrated before I even touched anything. I was so frightened of being drug-tested and failing the drug test.”

I think that’s a lesson we can all learn from and apply to our daily lives – when in doubt, wait for a quality beer.

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Navy’s football team has taken an interesting view of uniformity. It is against it.

In collusion with the North Korean spies at UnderArmour, Navy will take the field for the Army game with seven different helmets because . . . well, because someone at UnderArmour broke into the CEO’s liquor cabinet.

The helmets are differentiated by position – wide receivers wear submarines, linemen amphibious assault ships, running backs have littoral combat ships, linebackers wear cruisers, defensive backs wear destroyers, kickers and special teamers have minesweepers, and quarterbacks will wear aircraft carriers. The explanations are in the link, and frankly seem as appealingly loony as the idea itself.

Oh, and the jerseys will say, “Damn The Torpedoes.”

Army, which hasn’t beaten Navy in 13 years, has one kind of helmet – one that contains very angry players.

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Joey Crawford, one of nature’s true gods, has not worked in more than three weeks because of a knee injury suffered in Cleveland November 8. No word on his return, but I will remind you that a league without Joey Crawford is a league without moorings.

Hey, the NFL doesn’t have him, and their officiating is hideous. I rest my case.

[RELATED: 49ers' Alex Boone: 'I thought those refs sucked]

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Toronto Maple Leafs goalie Garret Sparks shut out Edmonton Monday night in his first-ever NHL game, and, overcome by the emotion of blanking the worst team in the league, cried in his postgame interview. This left Don Cherry with an existential conundrum – to praise the lad for performing well for Canada’s team, or to castigate him for not soldiering through the interview in a more stoic fashion.

I’m betting (A). After all, he’s a true Canadian boy born in Evanston, Illinois.

Besides, anyone who can make people do things like must be respected. From James Mirtle of the Toronto Glove and Mail:

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And finally, Barry Bonds working for Jeff Loria and David Samson in Miami is a hell in the making that makes whatever abuse he has taken in his long and often fractious career seem like a mere dawdle.

Or maybe he’s just saying, “I will endure anything to be voted into the Hall of Fame.” I mean, these are conditions that would convince me that induction isn’t worth this level of aggravation.

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