The John Scott story gets better and better. The newly restored Pacific Division captain said he would like to wear a St. John’s Ice Caps jersey at the NHL All-Star Game because, and this is a pretty valid reason, that is the team he currently plays for.
This should happen for any number of reasons – an homage to the minor leagues that help the NHL function, a hat-tip to a part of Canada that has never had a team of its own (the Maritimes), a sense of ongoing whimsy about the way it was bamboozled by a motivated voter base (nothing looks better to people than laughing at and even sharing the joke of your own embarrassment).
It of course will not, though, because John Scott’s sense of humor is far more developed than any of the people running or covering the sport. The fans said what they wanted, and Scott has played along cheerfully, which has given the league even more run than it would have gotten for the All-Star Game, so they should all get what they want this time. Except maybe a modern-day Michael Ontkean skating around the ice at game’s end wearing nothing but a jock, a la Slap Shot.
Stay in the game with the latest updates on your beloved Bay Area and California sports teams! Sign up here for our All Access Daily newsletter.
But like we said, not a chance. He will wear a jersey of a team he played for two teams back because, damn it, we have a format and even though it changes every hour and twenty, it must be scrupulously observed.
The brick-brained dullards.
[RELATED: Bettman: 'Never any doubt' Scott would go to All-Star Game]
X X X
And then there are Joe Lacob and Peter Guber, who just watched their team rise 46 percent in value in the latest Forbes How Rich Is Your Billionaire list. The Golden States went from $1.3 billion to $1.9 billion, and from seventh to sixth by passing the luxury tax-strangled Brooklyn Nets.
Now about that 40 bucks Lacob still owes me . . .
[RELATED: Forbes: Warriors sixth most valuable franchise]
X X X
Terry Collins will go into the Hall of Fame if, when the National League is forced against the will of God to adapt the designated hitter (owners meeting next week, for what little that is worth), he makes Bartolo Colon a DH on days when he doesn’t pitch.
Yeah, that’s called progress.
X X X
This would be a case of, “Official, Know Thine Rosters.”
A Portuguese soccer coach named Juvenal Brandao was kicked out of a recent game for yelling for one of his defenders to “get closer to black.” The referee, doing his part to help curb racism, noticed that the opposing team’s striker was of dark skin and red carded the coach.
Problem: The defender he was yelling at was playing with another defenders whose surname was “Preto,” which is the Portuguese name for black. In short, the coach was yelling for his player to get closer to Black, not “the” black.
We suspect the coach had the red card rescinded because, well, every once in a rare while, things actually aren’t as they seem.
X X X
This is to amuse you until April 16, when the NBA playoffs are likely to begin: http://tinyurl.com/jq4o69t .
X X X
And speaking of The Big Lead, here is staff writer Ryan Phillips’ version of the worst 10 owners in the NFL.
But for you link-averse, here’s something. Mark Davis is No. 11 (he fell to the allure of Davis’ hair choices), Jed York is No. 7, Dean Spanos is No. 4 and Stan Kroenke is No. 3. The three men who sought L.A. in the bottom third of the league? There's a lesson in that.
Still, I think young Phillips is working with a different set of assumptions than the owners are.
X X X
Kathryn Smith has been hired by the Buffalo Bills as the special teams quality coach, the first woman hired as a full-time coach. Between her and the Ryan brothers, this looks like a sure Hard Knocks – and let’s be honest, this is a series that needs a little defibrillation since J.J. Watt turned it into an episodic infomercial.
Though I’d be even more impressed to see the first time she and Rob Ryan get into a shouting match and end up throwing whiteboard markers and iPads in a meeting room. Even if it’s utterly contrived, I’m all-in with it.
X X X
And finally, as our mini-tribute to special teams and special teamers ends, I leave you with the new greatest punter in football history, the Oakland Raider Marquette King, who Tweeted this:
I refer you, sir, to Bill Parcells, who once said on a sideline, “That’s why you do all that film work. That’s why you lift all those weights.” In other words, this isn’t about the dog as much as it is about the coaching.